It can be very difficult to be a friend or relative of an abused woman. The more you care for her the more emotionally difficult it can be for you, even if you are not in contact with her. If you don't yet know for a fact that your loved one is abused but you suspect it, your relationship with her is probably already strained. You might sense something is wrong in her relationship with her partner but don't have solid evidence that they're involved in something as stigmatizing as domestic violence. You may also find yourself feeling frustrated and confused by your loved one's behavior. One day she boasts that her partner is the most wonderful father, while the next she complains of his quick temper with the kids. One moment she tells you that no one has ever made her feel so special. Then she complains that he belittles her in front of his friends.

If you are confused, imagine how confused she must be. If you still want to help, you can!

But only if you are willing to unlearn the myths, unfeel some very natural feelings and fight against some very basic instincts. In other words you must change yourself!

You do not need to start out knowing much about the issues surrounding abused women in order to be helpful. If you are open to new ideas, you are well on your way to becoming more helpful. As you begin to use the new information, you will find yourself becoming more connected to the woman you care about. The more connected you are, the more trust she will develop in you. The more she trust she has in you, the more likely she will be to seek your assistance. When she does seek your assistance, you will be better prepared to help her.

The principles and communication skills listed here can be applied when a woman shares her abuse story with you, whether or not she is asking for you help or support and whether or not she is with her abusive partner. A good sign that you are utilizing the skills as intended is if you and the woman you care about are growing closer emotionally and she is beginning to open up and share some painful experiences with you.

Someone You Know May Be Abused. Here's How You Can Help.

In 1994, Barnes-Jewish Hospital’s Women and Infants’ Services started the AWARE program to address the problems of domestic violence among women patients and employees. The mission of the AWARE program is to make the health care system and the community at large a healthier place for women. AWARE provides confidential, no-cost advocacy services and resources to victims of domestic violence.