By Harry Jackson Jr. from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, December 19, 2005

Amy Lazzari paints orchids to capture their fragile beauty. "They don''t last long, but they''re always beautiful."

And she paints perennials, especially blooms from bulbs, because regardless of how much they shrivel during a baneful winter, they re-emerge to brighten the spring.

Breast cancer guided her to this place in her life.

Courage

"Physical presence changes over time. Even when we are healthy, we are on a path of physical decline. But the spirit is immortal. I am a child of God. For me, courage comes from knowing that no blow in life is so dreadful that I would ever be severed from God''s spiritual love." - Amelia Lazzari

After her doctor diagnosed a nickel-sized lump underneath her right arm as breast cancer, Lazzari counted the days and the moments, but not in a good way.

For a moment, she thought her days were numbered. For a moment, she went through the process of hearing the diagnosis - denial, grief, tears, self-pity. For a moment, she feared disfigurement or death.

But she found those feelings intolerable. They simply weren''t her. So they didn''t last long.

She began almost immediately turning back to herself.

First, she realized she had lost touch with her spirit. How many years had she spent thinking about business and money and bills and the glare of life''s minutia? What good was all that now?

In a moment of clarity, she accepted that the cancer therapy would be what it is. She''d follow the doctors'' instructions. She''d keep close touch with the "prayer warriors" who protect hospitals from evil spirits. And she''d keep control. The true journey was the road back to her true self. Time had become an issue.

"There were the times I cried," Lazzari recalls. "But I figured if I wasn''t going to live, I wanted to be happy."

Reverence

"I felt new awe and respect for the gift of life I - and all of us - have been given. I wanted to honor that through my painting." - Amelia Lazzari

That meant instead of grieving the moments, she''d embrace them. That meant returning to the spirit that once helped her soar.

She began to paint again. She''d lost the compulsion along the path to adulthood. The new resolve would push her before the cancer could wipe away the pictures in her dreams.

"When I paint, I wouldn''t call it a trance, but I feel the spiritual connection," she says with a smile.

She turned from counting the days in her heart to counting the days literally. Her paintings so impressed the patient-services workers at the Siteman Cancer Center that they selected 12 for a 2006 calendar.

But the greatest lesson Lazzari learned was how precious each moment could be. That''s what even today keeps a smile on her face and a paintbrush in her hand.

Renew

"After months of chemotherapy and radiation treatment, I began to physically regain my strength. I began to enjoy my life physically again after my spiritual renewal. My body and soul both thirsted for rebirth." - Amelia Lazzari

Lazzari didn''t die. Just the opposite. She stepped up her living.

She hadn''t expected that in June of 2003 when during a self-examination she found a lump to the right of her right breast. Her doctor ran the tests. The diagnosis confirmed the fears.

"The first thing is you want to deny it," Lazzari said. The finding shocked her. "I won''t say it grew there overnight, but I''d had a mammogram (about two years) earlier."

Her doctor opted first for several rounds of chemotherapy.

The chemotherapy sucked her energy, but not all of it. Between James, her husband, and a boss who allowed a lot of flexibility at her job, Lazzari rested and worked through the ordeal.

All the while, she strived to be the happy, upbeat person everyone knew. And when the chemotherapy caused her shoulder-length blonde hair to fall out, she decided, "I think I''ll just go shave my head."

She looked at the good side of losing her hair: "I didn''t have to shave my legs."

The chemo shrunk the tumor to half its size. "My doctor said my cancer hated chemo."

In January 2004, surgeons removed the lump and several lymph nodes - no mastectomy.

A year of chemo and radiation later, doctors found no residue of cancer in her body. The residue that was left was the good kind: the learning, the awakening. Instead of preparing to die, she had prepared to live.

Sacred

"Whenever I am painting, I feel completely connected to the Spirit. I had put my artistic talent on hold to pursue a career in corporate America. I hadn''t made the time to paint. Now I realize I can do both. But the greatest satisfaction comes from painting. I was blessed with a gift I should honor. My painting is the sacred path I should follow." - Amelia Lazzari

The Siteman Cancer Center, like most cancer centers in the area, has programs that use the arts to help patients battle cancer. In St. Louis, cancer therapies include drawing, sculpture, writing journals and other means of personal expression that help distill confused feelings.

Lazzari picked up the paintbrush shortly after her diagnosis. She''d painted during her youth but had lost the habit over the years.

Normally, she painted pictures of people. She''d photograph them, then reproduce them in watercolors.

But this painting was for healing. She selected flowers. To her, flowers mean life. She named them after the stages that her spirit navigated during the ordeal of therapy - Reverence, Open to Grace, Renew, Reflection, Laughter - 12 in all, one for each month.

The one exception to the pattern is the sunflower, fittingly adorning the month of June and named Sun Salutation - because in some myths, the sun is the face of God.

Considering it took a cancer diagnosis to bring this about, she feels like everything has a bright side.

Presence

"I was affected by things a yoga instructor said during a group session. He said, ''Close your eyes. Take the moment to embrace the greatness in yourself.'' Then he said, ''Open your eyes and acknowledge the greatness in those around you. Look people in the eye when you recognize their uniqueness and greatness.'' I felt such a profound sense of being connected with others." - Amelia Lazzari

While the flowers inspired her work, Lazzari also took up yoga to help her work through her spiritual needs - breathing, meditating. She reflects in her paintings many of the forms she practices in yoga classes.

"Yoga taught me how to live in the moment, how precious each moment is," she said.

Other consequences of her ordeal include a 30-pound weight loss that she now maintains with more fruits, vegetables and water, accounting for her 5-foot-3, 130-pound figure.

Laughter

"Omigosh! I had forgotten how to laugh. The day I laughed spontaneously and with gusto was so special. When I think of that moment, I still smile. I might even be laughing right now." - Amelia Lazzari

Lazzari plans to continue painting. She''s painting people and scenes. The work from the calendar is on her Web site for sale as posters. Siteman sells the calendars.

Meanwhile, Amy Lazzari is happy. And she lives in the moment.

SOURCES: Quotations by Amelia Lazzari are from her Web site, www.amelialazzari.com.http://www.amelialazzari.com">www.amelialazzari.com.

For the Web site

Go to www.amelialazzari.com. The site sells 18-by-24-inch posters of the flowers for $150 apiece, as well as other watercolors.

For the calendar

Contact the Siteman Cancer Center, 1-800-600-3606 or www.siteman.wustl.edu. The calendar is $15; proceeds help breast cancer research.

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HOW SHE DID IT

Name: Amelia "Amy" Lazzari

Age: 47

Occupation: Technical sales executive at Southwestern Bell

What she did: Used painting to pull her through her ordeal of breast cancer

Hometown: Pacific

Quotable: "When you have a moment, you have all the time you need."